August is full of birthdays in my world. You heard about my daughter's birthday last time, and mine was three days later, then my stepdaughter's is next week (she turns five). But the party was last weekend, as she just started school yesterday, and we wanted to get it out of the way before then. So, yes, I did the reverse of my previous seven months and flew down to Atlanta for the weekend. And what a weekend! Friday night I celebrated my birthday with my wife's whole family, then on Saturday was the birthday party, which featured 35 people, a swimming pool, and 7 kids sleeping over at our house. Not very relaxing, but certainly lots of fun. Then came Sunday, when I had to say goodbye to my new family to fly back to Maine to go to work and to see my own kids. What a life.
The rest of the weekend was spent discussing the who, what, where, when, why, and how of my wife and her daughter potentially moving up to Maine. It seems like we've got that under control in terms of the logistics, but there is the matter of her ex-husband potentially trying to stop her from moving (not likely), and the massive guilt trip that her family is laying on her to sway her from leaving. I understand the motivation, but she's 36 years old, and they are treating her like a child.
As for me, I don't need a guilt trip to feel guilty. All weekend long we were surrounded by family and friends, and my stepdaughter was revelling in having so many cousins, aunts, uncles, etc. around to celebrate with her. After I left town on Sunday night she told my wife, "I don't want to leave. I want to have my birthday here every year." And I haven't gotten a good night's sleep ever since. While I know that being near my kids is terrific, the fact is, they're all I've got here. I have no family in Maine, few friends, and no real network of people to call my own. I could, of course, make an effort to build such a network, but my attention is taken up by work, my kids, my wife (phone calls every night make it hard to get out), and I haven't got the time, energy, or money for much more.
So when I think about taking my wife and stepdaughter from their complete, happy world into my uncertain one, I feel awful. I'm trying to tell myself that we'll make friends and find a way to have something of a life, but it seems very hard to imagine.
In other news, things get ever grimmer at my ex's house. My son finished his basketball camp two weeks ago, but doesn't start school for two more weeks. In the meantime he basically hangs around the house all day or plays by himself in the driveway, as she has no money, no friends, and no inclination to do anything. I took my kids out to dinner last night and tried asking them about what they've been doing, but they never really say much, because there isn't much to say.
And things continue to get worse with her family. I went to her mother's house with the kids last week, because she hadn't seen them in months (since the bum got drunk in her barn). I was struck by the fact that all of the pictures in her whole house of my kids and/or my ex were gone. I found out that my ex had let herself into her mom's house and taken all of the pictures. At best, it's psychotic. At worst, it's burglary. Either way, it ain't good.
I also found out that she has been working for several months, getting paid under the table by a friend of her brother's. I want to blow the whistle on her with child support, but there is no way to prove that she's working, and her employer won't confirm it, because he'd get in trouble with the IRS. Of course now that she's not speaking to her brother, maybe his friend will find some way to help me rat her out. Even so, she's not making much ($600 a month), and that won't get you far in this world.
As for her brother, I took the kids to his house last night, and we had a lot of fun. He clearly misses his niece and nephew and I feel horrible for him that he doesn't get to see them. Naturally my kids told their mother where they had been and, sure enough, she sent nasty email to his girlfriend that night, which was aimed at getting her to get rid of him (she claimed, among other things, that he cheats on her, slept with a transsexual, and has AIDS). It's just pathetic.
I ask myself how much longer this can go on. How much longer can she live with no family, no friends, no money, and nothing but a drunk to fill up her life. The kids start school soon (my daughter will be in preschool 2 days a week), and she won't even have then for much longer. She is going to have to crack sooner or later--hopefully sooner. I guess I have to just be patient and be ready when she does.
Tuesday, August 24, 2010
Monday, August 9, 2010
18,700 Miles
Seeing as how the number after the comma in this posting's title is odd, I'm in the midst of a one-way trip. I've been back in Maine for 10 days and started my job last week. It's going pretty well, I guess--I like the work and am enjoying being busy again, but there is the matter of my boss' wife being literally on her death bed, which makes things more than a little gloomy. That's all secondary, though, as I've seen my kids on 5 of the 10 days that I've been here. I remind myself that seeing them makes everything else worthwhile.
This past weekend was my beloved daughter's 3rd birthday. She had asked me several times to come to her party, but her mother decided not to invite me. In fact, her mother decided not to invite anyone except for her dad. She didn't invite her mother or brother, not after the drunken incident with the fiance. And she's got no friends, so nobody else was there. It breaks my heart.
When I went to pick up my kids that afternoon, it all seemed OK. They came running out of the house, and hopped right into my car. I actually exchanged a few pleasant words with my ex in the process. But the bum had other ideas. While I was buckling my kids into their car seats, he snuck up behind me and was standing about five feet away, staring me down. When I closed the door and stood up, I saw him glaring at me, as if he was about to pounce. I looked over and asked, "Do you have a problem?
He said, "You know, she wakes up twice at night crying for her mother. Can you handle that?"
I replied, "You're not her mother. This doesn't concern you." I then glanced over at my ex, and said, "Do you have something to say to me? Because if you do, I'll be happy to discuss it."
She said nothing. He jumped back in and said, "Well I'm her stepfather."
I took two steps towards him and said, "I told you, this doesn't concern you. Now get out of my way."
"What?" he replied.
"Get the FUCK out of my way," I said.
He stomped off, threatening to call the police (for what, I don't know exactly). I drove away in a huff.
The good news is that the rest of my daughter's birthday weekend was good news. My birthday present to my little girl was to get her a "princess bed." I bought a daybed--white with pink roses--and princess sheets and a princess comforter to give her a special place at my apartment for her to sleep. And to my great joy, she did sleep! No crying for mommy--she just snuggled up in her new bed, put her thumb in her mouth and went right to sleep. I can't possibly express in words the joy I felt watching her close her eyes and go to sleep in my house. It almost made up for all of my suffering. Almost.
On Sunday I drove my kids up to Lake Winnipesaukee in New Hampshire, where an old college friend has a family cabin right on the lake. We spent the whole day swimming and riding around in a paddle boat. It was the perfect summer day in New England, and I'm sure they'll remember it for a long, long time. I dropped them off and came back to my apartment to get ready for the work week.
Later that night I got an email from my ex brother-in-law's girlfriend. They apparently had tried to send a gift over to my daughter, but my ex refused to accept it. She told her dad (who was the go-between) that if he didn't take it back, she would throw it away. She is so angry over the incident in the barn that she intends to never speak with her brother again, I guess. I called her brother up to discuss things, and he kept me on the phone for 45 minutes, telling me all sorts of wild stories. He told me that she admitted to him as recently as 2 months ago that the fiance is still drinking heavily (in direct contrast to what she's told me). He said that she's been working for several months for a friend of his, taking money under the table, which of course violates her child support agreement and constitutes tax evasion. He also told me that his friend (her employer) reports that, while she's on the phone with him for work, he's heard the fiance screaming obscenities at my children in the background.
Given her brother's checkered past, I'm not sure what I believe, but I know he loves my children, and I also know that he is deeply hurt by his sister's behavior. I have no illusions that these latest twists and turns will get me any closer to getting custody of my kids, but at least I'm living close by to keep an eye on things.
I've obviously left out the part about now living 1,100 miles away from my wife and stepdaughter. That's a whole 'nother story, one that will have to wait for another day.
This past weekend was my beloved daughter's 3rd birthday. She had asked me several times to come to her party, but her mother decided not to invite me. In fact, her mother decided not to invite anyone except for her dad. She didn't invite her mother or brother, not after the drunken incident with the fiance. And she's got no friends, so nobody else was there. It breaks my heart.
When I went to pick up my kids that afternoon, it all seemed OK. They came running out of the house, and hopped right into my car. I actually exchanged a few pleasant words with my ex in the process. But the bum had other ideas. While I was buckling my kids into their car seats, he snuck up behind me and was standing about five feet away, staring me down. When I closed the door and stood up, I saw him glaring at me, as if he was about to pounce. I looked over and asked, "Do you have a problem?
He said, "You know, she wakes up twice at night crying for her mother. Can you handle that?"
I replied, "You're not her mother. This doesn't concern you." I then glanced over at my ex, and said, "Do you have something to say to me? Because if you do, I'll be happy to discuss it."
She said nothing. He jumped back in and said, "Well I'm her stepfather."
I took two steps towards him and said, "I told you, this doesn't concern you. Now get out of my way."
"What?" he replied.
"Get the FUCK out of my way," I said.
He stomped off, threatening to call the police (for what, I don't know exactly). I drove away in a huff.
The good news is that the rest of my daughter's birthday weekend was good news. My birthday present to my little girl was to get her a "princess bed." I bought a daybed--white with pink roses--and princess sheets and a princess comforter to give her a special place at my apartment for her to sleep. And to my great joy, she did sleep! No crying for mommy--she just snuggled up in her new bed, put her thumb in her mouth and went right to sleep. I can't possibly express in words the joy I felt watching her close her eyes and go to sleep in my house. It almost made up for all of my suffering. Almost.
On Sunday I drove my kids up to Lake Winnipesaukee in New Hampshire, where an old college friend has a family cabin right on the lake. We spent the whole day swimming and riding around in a paddle boat. It was the perfect summer day in New England, and I'm sure they'll remember it for a long, long time. I dropped them off and came back to my apartment to get ready for the work week.
Later that night I got an email from my ex brother-in-law's girlfriend. They apparently had tried to send a gift over to my daughter, but my ex refused to accept it. She told her dad (who was the go-between) that if he didn't take it back, she would throw it away. She is so angry over the incident in the barn that she intends to never speak with her brother again, I guess. I called her brother up to discuss things, and he kept me on the phone for 45 minutes, telling me all sorts of wild stories. He told me that she admitted to him as recently as 2 months ago that the fiance is still drinking heavily (in direct contrast to what she's told me). He said that she's been working for several months for a friend of his, taking money under the table, which of course violates her child support agreement and constitutes tax evasion. He also told me that his friend (her employer) reports that, while she's on the phone with him for work, he's heard the fiance screaming obscenities at my children in the background.
Given her brother's checkered past, I'm not sure what I believe, but I know he loves my children, and I also know that he is deeply hurt by his sister's behavior. I have no illusions that these latest twists and turns will get me any closer to getting custody of my kids, but at least I'm living close by to keep an eye on things.
I've obviously left out the part about now living 1,100 miles away from my wife and stepdaughter. That's a whole 'nother story, one that will have to wait for another day.
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