20,900 Miles

August is full of birthdays in my world. You heard about my daughter's birthday last time, and mine was three days later, then my stepdaughter's is next week (she turns five). But the party was last weekend, as she just started school yesterday, and we wanted to get it out of the way before then. So, yes, I did the reverse of my previous seven months and flew down to Atlanta for the weekend. And what a weekend! Friday night I celebrated my birthday with my wife's whole family, then on Saturday was the birthday party, which featured 35 people, a swimming pool, and 7 kids sleeping over at our house. Not very relaxing, but certainly lots of fun. Then came Sunday, when I had to say goodbye to my new family to fly back to Maine to go to work and to see my own kids. What a life.

The rest of the weekend was spent discussing the who, what, where, when, why, and how of my wife and her daughter potentially moving up to Maine. It seems like we've got that under control in terms of the logistics, but there is the matter of her ex-husband potentially trying to stop her from moving (not likely), and the massive guilt trip that her family is laying on her to sway her from leaving. I understand the motivation, but she's 36 years old, and they are treating her like a child.

As for me, I don't need a guilt trip to feel guilty. All weekend long we were surrounded by family and friends, and my stepdaughter was revelling in having so many cousins, aunts, uncles, etc. around to celebrate with her. After I left town on Sunday night she told my wife, "I don't want to leave. I want to have my birthday here every year." And I haven't gotten a good night's sleep ever since. While I know that being near my kids is terrific, the fact is, they're all I've got here. I have no family in Maine, few friends, and no real network of people to call my own. I could, of course, make an effort to build such a network, but my attention is taken up by work, my kids, my wife (phone calls every night make it hard to get out), and I haven't got the time, energy, or money for much more.

So when I think about taking my wife and stepdaughter from their complete, happy world into my uncertain one, I feel awful. I'm trying to tell myself that we'll make friends and find a way to have something of a life, but it seems very hard to imagine.

In other news, things get ever grimmer at my ex's house. My son finished his basketball camp two weeks ago, but doesn't start school for two more weeks. In the meantime he basically hangs around the house all day or plays by himself in the driveway, as she has no money, no friends, and no inclination to do anything. I took my kids out to dinner last night and tried asking them about what they've been doing, but they never really say much, because there isn't much to say.

And things continue to get worse with her family. I went to her mother's house with the kids last week, because she hadn't seen them in months (since the bum got drunk in her barn). I was struck by the fact that all of the pictures in her whole house of my kids and/or my ex were gone. I found out that my ex had let herself into her mom's house and taken all of the pictures. At best, it's psychotic. At worst, it's burglary. Either way, it ain't good.

I also found out that she has been working for several months, getting paid under the table by a friend of her brother's. I want to blow the whistle on her with child support, but there is no way to prove that she's working, and her employer won't confirm it, because he'd get in trouble with the IRS. Of course now that she's not speaking to her brother, maybe his friend will find some way to help me rat her out. Even so, she's not making much ($600 a month), and that won't get you far in this world.

As for her brother, I took the kids to his house last night, and we had a lot of fun. He clearly misses his niece and nephew and I feel horrible for him that he doesn't get to see them. Naturally my kids told their mother where they had been and, sure enough, she sent nasty email to his girlfriend that night, which was aimed at getting her to get rid of him (she claimed, among other things, that he cheats on her, slept with a transsexual, and has AIDS). It's just pathetic.

I ask myself how much longer this can go on. How much longer can she live with no family, no friends, no money, and nothing but a drunk to fill up her life. The kids start school soon (my daughter will be in preschool 2 days a week), and she won't even have then for much longer. She is going to have to crack sooner or later--hopefully sooner. I guess I have to just be patient and be ready when she does.